World's Worst Boss

"Dude, you look pretty hungry. You should try the new Japanese place on SeamlessWeb, so delicious. By the way, it's not casual Friday."

Zagat Review: 'License To Il'

'License To Il' is the latest Korean barbecue (gogi gui) restaurant to hit Manhattan's Hell's Kitchen neighborhood. As with all Korean barbecue establishments, the eating experience at 'License To Il' is highlighted by diners actually grilling the meat and vegetables themselves at their tables. The restaurant's owner, Singman Rhee, mentioned that 'License To Il' differentiates itself from other Korean barbecue restaurants by offering a premium dining package, whereby diners can stay at home and prepare their own meals using their own ingredients. Then, they can wire-transfer money into Rhee's bank account, as payment for doing absolutely nothing.

As a sidenote, 'License To Il' has only one chef, who incidentally lives in Seoul, South Korea. He neither has, nor ever will, visit the restaurant.

Ratings:
--- --- --- ---
Food: * (Can vary widely from 'delicious' to 'Salmonella poisoning', depending on sobriety of your dining companions)
Service: N/A (The waiter visits your table once, to dump raw meat on it)
Decor: *** (The poster which lists all Starcraft cheat codes gives an authentic Korean feel)

Nostradamus' Diary Found

Archaeologists in Southern France have announced that they have uncovered the personal diary of famed seer Nostradamus. The author of Les Propheties, Nostrodamus is admired by many for having possessed what they believe to be the power to predict the future. However, his personal diary reveals that the man was not entirely at peace with his power. The following are excerpts from Nostrodamus' diary:

* "I was not a fan of knowing that my kids would hate me, ten years before they were even born."

* "'The Sixth Sense' and 'The Usual Suspects' sucked for me. Bruce Willis? Dude, I totally called that!"

* "...at the age of seven, I predicted that I would grow a huge, grey beard and look like a total jackass when I grew up. Unfortunately, it came true. I'm that good."

* "As a young man, I found dating to be awkward and difficult. My powers would get in the way of having normal conversations with women. For example, I recall one first date where I said to the girl, 'Hey, I know this fantastic bistro in Saint Remy, we should check it out. By the way, you're gonna die before your 25th birthday.'"

There's No Wrong Way To Eat A Reese's

Reese's Peanut Butter Cups are one of the most popular chocolate candies on the market, and much of it's popularity has been generated through its popular ads. GMCTTC has recently acquired the next batch of advertisements, that are due to be released under the "How Do You Eat Your Reese's?" ad campaign.

Children's Names

New York City is a truly special place, and New Yorkers have many different ways of showing their love for the Big Apple. For some, this love takes the form of naming their daughter after a distinctive New York neighborhood. 'Parenting' magazine recently came out with its list of the best, and worst, NYC neighborhoods to name your daughter after:


Best Names
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1.) Astoria
2.) Chelsea
3.) Nolita

Worst Names
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1.) SoHo
2.) Meatpacking District
3.) Hell's Kitchen
4.) Throgs Neck

New Guinness World Record

The Guinness World Records organization recently announced that South Africa has broken the record for the world's most concise criminal code. South Africa's criminal code consists of a single phrase, "White => Innocent". The previous record-holder was the nation of Bangladesh, whose criminal code is "Coming Soon. Good luck!"

In an unrelated development, two South African producers are planning to remake the 1999 film 'The Hurricane' (starring Denzel Washington) in Afrikaans. It will be called, 'Guilty, Guilty, Guilty'.

NYC's Hottest Club Opens To Rave Reviews

Bouncer at DFM (right) debates a cover charge with patron (left).
'Dhaka Fish Market' opened on Friday in New York City's Meatpacking District, joining the ranks of Marquis, Pink Elephant, and the city's other ultra-exclusive clubs/lounges. 'Dhaka Fish Market' was designed with the theme of an overcrowded, horrible-smelling South Asian fish market, and is expected to redefine the nightclub experience for New York's elite crowd.

The club's owner, Pidharan Sridharan, has been working tirelessly to ensure the smooth launch of his new project. "When I opened DFM, I intended for it to be exclusive. And when I say exclusive, I mean no one is allowed into the club, ever. Not even me. No human is allowed into the building."

While this may sound unusual to many readers, the city's clubgoing crowd is full of praises for 'Dhaka Fish Market'. As one irrational patron explains, "DFM is the sickest club! First of all, they don't allow anyone inside! So baller! Also, the sidewalk in front of the club is the place to see and be seen in New York. That's why you have to pay a $50 cover charge just to stand outside the club. Anyone who is anyone can be seen begging bouncers to let them in, and scraping their dignity off of the pavement."

Pidharan, a.k.a. Pedey, the owner of 'Dhaka Fish Market', manages a large empire of clubs in the city, including:

* Scrabble: At this club, you have to correctly spell the name of the drink before you can buy it. (Note: FOB Indians are permitted to spell Vodka as 'Wodka'. Your Vellkum.)

* Neighbor: This club is built adjacent to world-famous Pacha. Come hear the muffled sound of the world's top DJs through a plywood wall.

* Club Nineteenth Amendment: Cover charge at this club is a differential tarriff. Ladies pay $5. Guys are beaten.

* Mowgli: This club specializes in Jungle and Drum & Bass music. At random times during the day, wild red pandas are released onto the dance floor. Co-owned by Jeff Corwin of the Animal Planet.

* Shawshank: Good luck getting out of this place. Violates all fire safety codes known to man.