Another Blog

The author of 'Give My Compliments To The Chef', along with one of his arch enemies, has started a blog about current events and news called 'The Unintelligencer'. Check it out here.

CleanTech Update

Breaking News: In a bid to offset thousands of tonnes of emissions each year, the EPA is considering shutting down all 5,800 Taco Bell locations in the U.S. and banning bean burritos from all restaurants. According to an EPA spokesman, this would result "...in the drastic reduction of CO2, NOx, Methane, and lost productivity due to loose bowels."

Rural Hip-Hop in India

A new musical trend has emerged in India recently- that of farmers using rap and hip-hop to put their frustrations into verse. One such rap artist from the Nellore district of Andhra Pradesh is Somaraju. Personally discovered by gangster rap fanatic (and President of the World Bank) Robert Zoellick, Somaraju goes by the alias "LLBS", or "Ladies Love Brown Sugar". Check out the album cover of his latest release here. You have to right click and "Save As" to view the file, just clicking the link won't work.

Election 2009: India

Every five years, the world’s largest democratic exercise gets underway in India, in the form of a nationwide General Election. A multitude of national, regional, and communal parties are vying for votes this year; we examine the political parties competing in the western state of Rajasthan, and provide a brief summary of each party’s platform.

Main Contenders

* People’s Honesty Party (PHP)

The PHP is running with the promise of being honest with voters about their true intentions. On the campaign trail, PHP politicians are frequently seen stealing food from poor people, and using school textbooks as toilet paper, claiming that “...this is the type of behavior you can expect from us.” This brutal honesty seems to be appreciated by voters, who are used to being lied to by politicos.

Slogan: “Honestly, we hate you. Still vote for us, please.”


* Communist Party of India (CPI)

The Communist Party of India is focusing on targeting “green” minded voters during the election, with their heavily environment-friendly policies. CPI is promising that India’s greenhouse emissions will never increase, as it plans on implementing crappy economic policies to promote economic stagnation.

Slogan: “Let’s protect India’s wildlife...because you will be living like them soon.”


* Knowledge Party (KP)

This party is specifically targeting illiterate voters.

Slogan: “☀☁☂♥✈”


* National Alliance (NA)

The NA is running on a platform based on elimination of corruption in India’s government. NA has a storied history of being recognized as an uncorrupt organization. For the past five years, the party bribed Election Commission officials into naming it the “Least Corrupt Political Party in India”.

Slogan: “Together, we can get rid of corruption in India. lol jk”


* Chappal Party (CP)

The Chappal Party is unique in having a truly dynamic party platform. Based on the current political mood, the CP will totally alter their perspectives on life. For example, in April 2004, the party organized a riot against foreign investment in India. In May 2004, the party organized a protest demanding more foreign investment in India. In June 2004, the party simply organized a general riot, using extremely confused supporters who had no idea what they stood for anymore.

Slogan: “We are confused, and you are dumb. Let’s work something out.”

Snickers Ad Campaign: First Drafts

The recently launched Snickers ad campaign, featuring common words and phrases twisted to incorporate chocolate-related terms, has been a resounding success. However, it took several tries before the ad agency actually got it right. GMCTTC has acquired the first few ad samples of the campaign, which for obvious reasons did not make it to the final set.

International Etiquette

How to ask "Are you hungry?" in different countries:

* Are you willing to bribe the chef? (Philippines)

* You want a goat in your stomach? (Afghanistan)

* Do you believe in magic? (Bangladesh)

* Do you want to get drunk? (Russia)

* Would you like some borderline inedible s***? (England)

* Do you work at Citigroup? (United States)

A Glimmer of Hope- Indonesia

Amidst the global economic meltdown, the world's fourth most populous nation, Indonesia's economy has not altered its course. As the country's Finance Minister stated eloquently in a recent interview, "Indonesia is a land of diveristy. You can bribe public officials in so many ways, I cannot even describe to you. Prior to the global recession, Indonesia's economy was highlighted by stale business practices, poor government regulation, non-existent investor safeguards, and, occassionally, riots in the streets. Nothing much has changed since then."


The ultra-wealthy in Jakarta have benefitted most from the country's resilience.

During the interview, the Minister also boasted about his nation's high tolerance for inflation. "Indonesia has done for inflation, what the Irish have done for drinking. We have such a high tolerance for it We're @$#% awesome at it. I personally try to maintain the country's inflation rate and my son's SAT score at the same level. It has made the lines move a lot faster at supermarkets, because if the line is too long, you might not be able to afford your purchase by the time you get to the cashier."


The Minister had some harsh words for the United States' handling of the current crisis, commenting that "...in America, subprime mortgages are a controversial topic. In my country, I have never even heard of such a thing as a prime mortgage. When you give a load to a dude living amidst a pack of Komodo dragons, you pretty much have to write that #$@% off."

FCB (Financial Crisis Bride) Magazine

Your wedding day is a special day, and you've been planning it in your mind for years. Don't let the prospect of global economic collapse deter you from tying the knot. Finally, there's a magazine for those who get hitched, and do it on the cheap. Here are some pointers:

* Gift Registry at MTA ticket booth.

* It's never too late to dust off your old prom dress.

* No need to hire a DJ- use your iPod shuffle. You may have to wait a while for "your song" to come up on the randomly generated playlist.

* A popular money-saving strategy is to estrange your entire family prior to the wedding, which can reduce your guest count by as much as 85%.

* Instead of hiring an expensive caterer to provide food for your wedding, set up placards with statistics about the number of starving children in the world and fast facts about infamous famines. Your guests will not only forget about their anger at not being fed, they will experience an intense feeling of guilt. You will of course have a 'donations jar' available, so that they can give towards the cause of stopping global hunger (i.e. your new Dark Knight Blu-Ray).

* Location, location, location. It's as important for a wedding as it is for a store. That's why we recommend having your wedding in a store, preferrably an upscale department store like Bergdorf Goodman or Bloomingdale's. The store is already decorated free of charge. For an added bonus, you can hold your ceremony in the fitting rooms; that way, you and your bridesmaids can "try on" dresses during a "mock" wedding.

* The memories of this day will last a lifetime. Take your wedding photos at an Apple store, where you can ask the helpful staff to "show you how the MacBook camera works", and ask them to "demonstrate the e-mail pictures feature."

Trash Talkin' World Leaders

Obama's Next Appointment

In the latest news from Washington, D.C., President Obama has appointed action-star Wesley Snipes as his National Security Advisor. Analysts say this move was not altogether unexpected, with the President insisting that "...Mr. Snipes has been on my radar for a possible cabinet position ever since he was arrested for tax evasion."

When asked to comment on the possible appointment of Snipes, Tom Daschle responded, "I don't pay taxes, I don't play those games. I'm Tom Daschle. T.D., Touchdown." Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner simply grinned like an idiot.


"The two things that are certain in life are death, and me kicking your ass."

As Seen On TV

An exciting innovation in the insurance market- wedding ring insurance! If she says 'no', at least you won't be a broke loser.

World's Worst Pickup Lines

"I won't let go of you, baby."

"I'll take you on a ride you'll never forget."

"Girl, you're like family to me."