Snickers Ad Campaign: First Drafts

The recently launched Snickers ad campaign, featuring common words and phrases twisted to incorporate chocolate-related terms, has been a resounding success. However, it took several tries before the ad agency actually got it right. GMCTTC has acquired the first few ad samples of the campaign, which for obvious reasons did not make it to the final set.

South Asian Pickup Lines

Boy: Damn, girl. Eid Mubarak.
Girl: Uh, it's not Eid.
Boy: Really? Because my eyes haven't feasted on your fine self for 30 days.


Boy: Girl, you remind me of a bakra (goat) that I once milked. It was cute, and so were its kids.
Girl: (Silence)


Boy: I have a Green Card. Pick you up at 8?


Boy: Damn, you look like you need to cool off.
Girl: (Silence)
Boy: Did I mention I have running cold water from a bore well?


Boy: Hey! Your biodata is acceptable to my family. You have 3 days to respond to my proposal.


Boy: Damn girl. You look like Mahatma Gandhi. And I'm wery patriotic...


Boy: I am attended a English mediums school. Therefore, educationing is deweloped by my brain. Success. You are a smart?


Boy: Girl, show me those ankles.
Girl: I'm not a girl.
Boy: (Awkward)


Boy: Hey, you know, I'm not that into domestic wiolence as you are thinking.
Girl: (Calling the police)


Boy: Hey, infant.

Bloodbath in Korean Stock Market

The Korean stock market index, KOSPI, was down 12.6% over the last week. Equity traders were seen hoarding minerals and Vespene gas into battlecruisers.

NYC's Hottest Club Opens To Rave Reviews

Bouncer at DFM (right) debates a cover charge with patron (left).
'Dhaka Fish Market' opened on Friday in New York City's Meatpacking District, joining the ranks of Marquis, Pink Elephant, and the city's other ultra-exclusive clubs/lounges. 'Dhaka Fish Market' was designed with the theme of an overcrowded, horrible-smelling South Asian fish market, and is expected to redefine the nightclub experience for New York's elite crowd.

The club's owner, Pidharan Sridharan, has been working tirelessly to ensure the smooth launch of his new project. "When I opened DFM, I intended for it to be exclusive. And when I say exclusive, I mean no one is allowed into the club, ever. Not even me. No human is allowed into the building."

While this may sound unusual to many readers, the city's clubgoing crowd is full of praises for 'Dhaka Fish Market'. As one irrational patron explains, "DFM is the sickest club! First of all, they don't allow anyone inside! So baller! Also, the sidewalk in front of the club is the place to see and be seen in New York. That's why you have to pay a $50 cover charge just to stand outside the club. Anyone who is anyone can be seen begging bouncers to let them in, and scraping their dignity off of the pavement."

Pidharan, a.k.a. Pedey, the owner of 'Dhaka Fish Market', manages a large empire of clubs in the city, including:

* Scrabble: At this club, you have to correctly spell the name of the drink before you can buy it. (Note: FOB Indians are permitted to spell Vodka as 'Wodka'. Your Vellkum.)

* Neighbor: This club is built adjacent to world-famous Pacha. Come hear the muffled sound of the world's top DJs through a plywood wall.

* Club Nineteenth Amendment: Cover charge at this club is a differential tarriff. Ladies pay $5. Guys are beaten.

* Mowgli: This club specializes in Jungle and Drum & Bass music. At random times during the day, wild red pandas are released onto the dance floor. Co-owned by Jeff Corwin of the Animal Planet.

* Shawshank: Good luck getting out of this place. Violates all fire safety codes known to man.

Return Of The Epic Romantic Comedy

On June 6, the epic romantic comedy 'Mongol' will be released in theaters across the U.S. 'Mongol' tells the tale of the bloody rise to power of Genghis Khan, and provides an insight into the brutality of 12th Century warfare; it is widely expected to be the feel-good movie of the year.

Critics agree that 'Mongol' is a surpisingly enjoyable romantic comedy, especially when you consider that the film was a joint-production between the nations of Germany, Russia, Kazakhstan, and Mongolia- widely considered to be the four least romantic countries on the face of the Earth.

At a special screening a few weeks ago, prominent figures in the Hollywood rom-com scene had good things to say about 'Mongol'. Acclaimed director Rob Reiner remarked that the film was "...shocking", and "...I tried to escape from my seat multiple times." Jon Cusack stood up during the middle of the movie and awkwardly held a boombox in the air. Meg Ryan, often regarded as the 'Queen of Romantic Comedies', collapsed due to shock when she saw the film.


Jon Cusack awkwardly applauds 'Mongol' during a special screening.

Latest Entertainment News

MTV Networks has just announced the launch of a new channel, RSTV (‘Reality Show Television’). The daily programming breakdown on RSTV will be as follows:

~ 23 hours of music videos totally unrelated to the reality show genre
~ 1 hour of reality shows, shown from 3:30AM to 4:30AM

From Zero to Hero to Zero: The Story of Fevaraju

Parthasarthy Fevaraju is a living legend. His life story is simultaneously a testament to the possibility of dreams coming true, as well as the possibility of movies causing severe emotional distress. As a self-proclaimed "superfan" of Fevaraju, I have written an extensive biography of him, which you can check out here.

Now I Know I'm In India

A visual guide to Indian-ness. Check out the PDF version here. You have to right click and "Save As" to view the file, just clicking the link won't work.